My Story
Certified Trauma Recovery Coach
Hey, I’m Nikki. I am a survivor of 5 cults, religious abuse, and too many narcissistic relationships to count - all of which is to say: I’m still standing and I’ve learned a lot along the way.
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So how did this happen? I had a lot of narcissistic dynamics in my upbringing as well as programming that caused me to disconnect from my intuition and disconnect from myself. Unfortunately, as I got older, I found myself attracted to and being attracted by narcissistic relationships & cultic communities.
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I was totally unaware that this abusive cycle was in motion in my life. I found myself in a circle of narcissistic employers, “friends”, and malignant cult leaders. The longing to belong was intense. I wanted to find a family and a home to connect with. Without understanding the toxic cycles I was caught in, I became involved in one cult, then the next. I was continually searching for a true home.
Upon the dissolution of the fifth and final cult, I was suddenly on my own, finally piecing together what I’d been through. I began the journey of navigating through a lot of grief, trauma, and shattering of self. While it was the start of my healing, it exacerbated the Complex PTSD I already had. Therapy helped me to navigate this, yet I learned that many mental health professionals had little to no expertise regarding narcissistic abuse and religious trauma, and those I met had no expertise at all to help me process the cult experiences I endured.
The grief and inability to make sense of it all almost took me out! I lost much of the community and support that I was connected to. I was also a single mom and I had to help my teenage daughter process some of the cult experiences she endured with me. I had so many unanswered questions, and I wanted to make sense of all that I had experienced. After being unable to find the help I sought to connect the dots for me, I rolled up my sleeves and decided to do my own work towards reclaiming my life.
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I’ve spent years researching data, attending conferences, and educating myself on all things regarding narcissism, religious abuse and cults. I knew that education was a start, but it was certainly not a substitute for recovery. The greatest work to be done was deep inside of me. I faced what I would later call “the dark night of the soul”. With courage, I finally tended to age-old wounds, traumas, generational cycles, and the parts within me I had exiled. It was a scary process to walk through, especially since there wasn’t a religious community, cult leader, or narcissist to tell me what to do with my life. I used to look for love, validation, wisdom and guidance outside of myself. Coming home to my “self” has been such a healing experience. The shame that once covered my voice, my life story, and my life’s song, started to dissipate and I experienced a great awakening.
Since then, I have been educating and empowering others about the realities of narcissism, religious abuse and cults, on various social media platforms. I also became a Trauma Recovery Coach to assist others as they walk through their own “dark night of the soul” and reclaim their lives.