My Story
Certified Trauma Recovery Coach
Hey, I’m Nikki. I am a survivor of 5 cults, religious abuse, and too many narcissistic relationships to count - all of which is to say: I’m still standing and I’ve learned a lot along the way.
So how did this happen? I had a lot of narcissistic dynamics in my upbringing as well as programming that caused me to disconnect from my intuition and disconnect from myself. Unfortunately, as I got older, I found myself attracted to and being attracted by narcissistic relationships & cultic communities.
I was totally unaware that this abusive cycle was in motion in my life. I found myself in a circle of narcissistic employers, “friends”, and malignant cult leaders. The longing to belong was intense. I wanted to find a family and a home to connect with. Without understanding the toxic cycles I was caught in, I became involved in one cult, then the next. I was continually searching for a true home.
Upon the dissolution of the fifth and final cult, I was suddenly on my own, finally piecing together what I’d been through. I began the journey of navigating through a lot of grief, trauma, and shattering of self. While it was the start of my healing, it exacerbated the Complex PTSD I already had. Therapy helped me to navigate this, yet I learned that many mental health professionals had little to no expertise regarding narcissistic abuse and religious trauma, and those I met had no expertise at all to help me process the cult experiences I endured.
The grief and inability to make sense of it all almost took me out! I lost much of the community and support that I was connected to. I was also a single mom and I had to help my teenage daughter process some of the cult experiences she endured with me. I had so many unanswered questions, and I wanted to make sense of all that I had experienced. After being unable to find the help I sought to connect the dots for me, I rolled up my sleeves and decided to do my own work towards reclaiming my life.
I’ve spent years researching data, attending conferences, and educating myself on all things regarding narcissism, religious abuse and cults. I knew that education was a start, but it was certainly not a substitute for recovery. The greatest work to be done was deep inside of me. I faced what I would later call “the dark night of the soul”. With courage, I finally tended to age-old wounds, traumas, generational cycles, and the parts within me I had exiled. It was a scary process to walk through, especially since there wasn’t a religious community, cult leader, or narcissist to tell me what to do with my life. I used to look for love, validation, wisdom and guidance outside of myself. Coming home to my “self” has been such a healing experience. The shame that once covered my voice, my life story, and my life’s song, started to dissipate and I experienced a great awakening.
Since then, I have been educating and empowering others about the realities of narcissism, religious abuse and cults, on various social media platforms. I also became a Trauma Recovery Coach to assist others as they walk through their own “dark night of the soul” and reclaim their lives.